Writing seriously and generally being creative is really hard when nothing is happening around you.
I've been home for a week and a half now, and while I don't completely feel like my brain is going to fall out, my brain is severely under-stimulated. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy marathoning How I Met Your Mother and grinding on Maplestory; but, I'm starting to crave human contact again. I really miss the presence of all of my friends. You tend to forget how to be alone when you're surrounded by the people you love all the time.
I wonder how people manage to enjoy solitude. For me, it's hard to want solitude when I know that my friends are nearby all the time. That's what scares me - I used to think I was a solitary person that needed breaks from extended periods of human contact. That used to be how I would define myself. But now that I know how good it feels to be heard, being surrounded by people is all that I want.
So who am I, really? Am I still the person from before, or did something in me change?
No, I'm still the lonely little girl that waited. I've been waiting to be found for all of my life. But even though I was found, I'm back to the same place that I was before. Everything is different, and yet things are still the same. I'm still waiting. And now I don't know what I'm waiting for. I'm waiting for a train, but I don't know which train it will be, nor its destination. When will I get on? Will it ever come? And if it does, where will it take me?
One thing is for sure, though: I just want the warmth that my friends give me back in my life. Being alone feels so cold, and the cold can be so stifling. At least I know when this train will arrive.