One of my biggest fears is becoming uninteresting. Understimulating. Boring. And I think that this is why I try to stray away from relationships and making deeper connections with people that I love, admire, and care about. Something in me wants to keep myself a mystery to others so that they can keep guessing. That's how I draw people in, and that's how I get them to stay. And I'm afraid that if someone were to understand everything about me as a person and my past, they would drift away from me in search of some other mystery. Because that's what people are all about, right? Chasing after their curiosity and the adventure of understanding the world around them. But if you were to completely understand the world, what would there be left to do with your life? I think that it's the curiosity that the unknown creates in us that gives us the drive to live. So what happens when you uncover everything that's in the dark? You'd have the universe at your disposal, but what's the point of doing anything if you already know what the end result of your actions are? WOw this is getting too deep and serious and I need to stop. Basically I'm afraid of people understanding me because I'm afraid that if they fully know me, they'll throw me away and fade out of my life. Huh. I guess that's why I can't be happy - when it comes down to it, I'm afraid of being happy, and I always put the happiness of other people ahead of my own. Balls.