a hurricane raging outside of the window
the dog in the backyard
the hammock wedged between the trees,
seated on top of a bed of poison ivy
the view of mother's legs from under the table
pulling my pants down in the kitchen before dinner,
then running away, grinning ear to ear
the closet of mystery
the bed i threw my father on using kuki-nage
father
the weekend 'dates'
trips to sports authority
to navy federal
to the toy store
and finish it off with red lobster
money was the only way he knew
how to love
sometimes i wonder if he knows how bad a parent he was to me
watching me on the stage, singing my heart out
listening to the creaks and squeaks of my violin
seeing me flip and cartwheel to and fro
knowing full well that he didn't have a part in any of it
he watched me learn and grow from a distance;
it was always mom who wanted to push me from the ground up to the sky
he would send with his money wishful thinking
and then disappear again in the blink of an eye.
now i wonder if he knows how bad a parent he was to you
loving then leaving your mother behind
deserting you and your brother
leaving you to fend for yourselves
leaving the child he never knew behind
i'm so sorry
i hope you sleep peacefully
don't dream about him tonight