i've been thinking a lot about the decisions i've made with my life and whether i've chosen the right path. whether it was right for me to pursue a dream that i had already given up on before because of all the hardships i had to face while running towards that future.
i thought that i had given up previously because of the depression i was going through at the time, but the longer that i stay on this path, the more that i realize that it's so much more than that. putting in real effort is something that i've never been accustomed to, and i'm realizing more and more that science is something that i have less and less heart for everyday. every single grade i've gotten in the past 5 months have been disappointing and discouraging and i don't know if i'm doing what i want to do anymore.
whenever i think about this too much, i try to shrug it off. i tell myself. it's okay, you can get through this. just finish this out and you can do whatever you want as soon as you're out of here. it really is this simple, but i worry too much anyways and get lost and lose sight because of all the roadblocks i keep imagining in my head.
i set out on this dream wanting to help people and wanting to shine as bright as him by pursuing something that i cared about. that drive is still there, but it's not enough anymore. i have to put in so much effort to learn what i do and i don't know if i have enough passion for it anymore to do that.
i've been in school for 4 years and i'm still being hesitant about myself and my future.
maybe i'm just burnt out.