about me

I like listening to sad songs. I say a lot of things that I don't mean simply because other people say it in different contexts and I find it amusing. I like rainy days, but only the rainy days where the sky is pitch black and the rain won't stop coming down: cloudy days without rain are depressing, and the rainy days where the sun tries to break through leaves you with a sense of hopelessness. Helplessness Blues is one of my favorite albums of all time. I don't like thinking about the past, but more importantly, I don't remember a lot of my past. It's probably because I've tried to block it out, but it's also because I am currently enjoying the present me and I don't see any real need to look back when all I want to do is look forward. Sometimes I look forward too much and I need to stop that because that's how you get hopes up and that's how you get disappointed. One of my greatest fears is disappointing others. The other is getting attached to others. I am afraid of getting too close because having a beginning means that there will be an end and letting people into your heart means that you let a part of them become a part of you and I don't want to lose anything that I already have because everything that I have is everything that I am and I am the most important thing in the world to me. Everything that I do, all of my choices, all of my decisions, all of them were ultimately made and done because it's something that pertains to me, my interests, and my outlook of the world. I don't think that the world and reality is singular. There are multiple realities, and each of them exist within the individual. Science is what binds us all together, but experience and the imagination is what sets everyone apart. Science needs imagination, and imagination is a product of science. If you think about that, you'll realize that the world is not linear. It is a circle. The nature of being is a cycle. Everything is a cycle. I get off track easily. I like to run but my cardio is terrible. Music is what drives the fire in my heart. I like to wave my hands with the motion of the music because to me, music feels like the ocean and when I listen to it, I become the waves. I like blue oceans and red flowers. I also like someone that is special and he gives me red flowers and handmade bracelets and hope. I find hope through people and through words. I use words to cope. I need to cope because I never know the right words to say.