A severe case of foot-in-mouth. Dad's return and the expectations that it imposes. Mom's defeatist attitude when it comes to me favoring other people over her, even though it's all in her head. Clifford's death and the weight that it carries. The stress. The isolation. His hot and cold personality, and the inexplicable fear that I am no longer worth his time or effort. The sense that I am drifting away from the people that I hold very dearly to my heart. And on top of it all, the endless rain.
This week was crazy. I was non-stop studying for the two exams that I had today. Wednesday night was my one saving grace because I let myself loosen up for a couple of hours. But while that night made me really happy, it also made me realize that there is so much sadness that I have pushed to the side and decided to ignore in favor of studying.
I did a really good job controlling my emotions this week, but now that I have the time to reflect on everything that has happened over the span of just seven days, everything hurts like hell. I don't know how he does it. Maybe sadness is just a permanent part of my life that I can't avoid. Ever.
Sleep it off, sleep it off.