Happiness is good. Be happy all the time.
I told him that I disagreed. I told him that you can’t have too much of one thing. I told him that there needs to be a sense of balance in life when it comes to your emotions.
But I wanted to scream at him. He has too much self-restraint, even in cases where he could be happy. I wanted to tell him that it’s okay to feel in extremes. I wanted to say that it’s okay wallow in your sadness, and that it’s okay to feel on top of the world. I thought to myself that even if letting yourself feel too strongly has its consequences, it would be worth it. Because yes, happiness is a good thing, but to feel real happiness, you need to understand what real sadness feels like.
I wanted to tell him to just let go of all of his self-control and feel the world around him without any restraints.
But then I got to thinking about what would happen if he told me to be more like him.
I just can’t do that. I hate the bitter taste I get in my mouth when I try to hold myself back. I want to feel everything or nothing at all. I am here, I am breathing, and I am alive and I want to be able to feel like I am. I want to move through life like the wind. I want to let things happen to me. I want myself to happen to other things. I want to be.
I am comfortable with who I am and I don’t plan on changing any time soon.
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Even though we might be opposites in our worldviews, I’m okay with the way that he is. I wouldn’t like him this much if he were any different. The sense of self-discipline that he has is admirable. It’s part what makes him shine. I could never ask him to change.