When I was in grade school, I decided that I wanted to marry an astronaut when I grew up. I firmly believed that this man from the moon in my mind would show me the stars and take me across the galaxy. The romance of space hits every girl hard at some point but I think it hit me very hard in particular because at some point I stopped dreaming and decided that I would just become an astronaut myself and treat myself to the universe, rather than have someone else do it for me. By the time I was in 6th grade I set myself on the path to become an astronaut and threw all of my efforts into studying for my math and science classes. Of course this dream was destroyed by my 9th grade Physics teacher, but my love for the galaxy and curiosity in the workings of the universe never died.

Come middle school, I wanted to marry a musician. Someone that could easily pick up a saxophone or sit in front of a piano and take me on an adventure through my mind with his music. Eventually this dream escalated to where I wanted to marry a conductor. Someone that could command the troops through a symphony of sound with passion and excitement. And then, of course, this escalated to the point where I thought to myself, fuck it, I'll be a conductor. Cue the obsession with books on music theory and taking courses in music history. Once again, I gave up on a dream that I wanted to impose on someone else and put it on my own shoulders instead. But, in exchange, I learned a lot about the history of music, the different periods of music and how to distinguish between eras, the composers of each period, and the mechanics to composition.

In my first year of college I briefly fell in love with an architecture major, and my fantasy ran wild. I would dream that he would design and build a house for us on the top of a hill in the woods; I would draw maps and he would draw buildings and we would live in peace like that. But, like in all my encounters with love, I fell out, but the dream didn't die. I decided to pick up a pencil and start drawing more seriously. As the pencil scratched against the paper, I would think to myself, fuck it, if I can't be with him, I will just have to be the artist myself. I guess I was bitter, but even so, I was able to gain more confidence in my abilities through practice.

So...yeah. I have a bad habit of over-romanticizing people and imposing my hopes and dreams onto those that seemingly fit the criteria that I am looking for in the moment. But even though this is one of my major faults, I think it makes me a better and overall more cultured and interesting person. It's fascinating to look back and realize that I was able to establish who I am today because of the influence of the people that I loved or admired in the past.