Hypothalamus. Lungs. Heart. Eyes.  I'm shaking. I can't stop. I don't know how I can so very strongly despise and adore simultaneously. I don't know how so many conflicting thoughts and feelings can be racing through my mind at the same time. I don't know how I can feel so much love and so, so very little hope in my heart. It's breaking me. My sickness is breaking me, too. I feel so displaced. I don't want to be anywhere anymore. But I want to be everywhere with you. But I also feel like I never want to see you again.

Being close is painful. Being far away feels the same.
You are the single best and worst thing to ever happen to me.

It's all in my mind, but my mind is a very scary place to be. And nobody should ever have to deal with it besides myself.

I am not meant to love.